An abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is called upon by the Voice of God to stop two exiled angels from entering a New Jersey church and thus negating all existence. She is aided by the little know thirteenth apostle named Rufus, a literal muse turned stripper and two bad-mouthed, mall-crawling, joint-smoking prophets: Jay and Silent Bob. An ex-muse turned demon named Azrael tries to keep the group from accomplishing their goal so he can have his revenge against God.